How it REALLY happened
by Starskysea
Summary: They all tell it one way...but how did Harry's first meeting with Voldemort REALLY happen...? Sorry, the summary SUCKS, but the story is really funny, so READ READ READ!


**How it REALLY happened…**

**First meeting:**

Harry was sitting in his "cupboard under the stairs" counting spiders.

-One spider, two spider, three spider, four! Someone is going, to knock on, my door!

"KNOCK, KNOCK", went the door.

-Blast you badaboom, shrieked Harry and pulled his wand from under his pillow.

-I am here, to kiiiiilllllllll youuuuuuuu, whispered a menacing Voldemort sinisterly.

-Harry! Be careful! Shrieked Hermione from one of Harry's smelly sneakers.

-Yeah, mumbled Ron, save the world Harry, go on, I'll be watching and getting green with jealousy…how come YOU are the famous one and I'm the weasel…?

-Don't tease the victim while the dark lord is waiting, said Neville.

-Welcome to the dark side, my boy, said Voldemort to Neville.

-Hey! I don't want to join you…I just came here to bring Hermione some Hershey kisses…

-And anyway, Voldy, you're no match for Harry, said Hermione boldly.

-Ah…here is Harry's charming sweet-heart, Hermione Granger…, said Voldemort.

-WHAT? Shrieked Harry, I love GINNY!

-Harry, sorry to disappoint you, said Ron, but Ginny's not born yet…

-Well, uh, anyway, Hermione likes Victor Krum, said Harry.

-Talking about that, continued Hermione, we don't even meet Krum before your fourth year in Hogwarts…

-Talking about THAT, none of us meet each other before our first year in Hogwarts, so the question is: WHAT ARE YOU ALL DOING HERE? shouted Harry.

-Talking about that, said both Ron and Hermione, I think we'd better go…

-See you later Harry, said Hermione before disappearing in the smelly sneaker, it was nice to meet you…

-Yeah Hair, keep the good work up, said Ron and vanished into thin air, leaving some orange smoke behind.

-Harry, can I get a photograph of you killing the dark lord please…? Pleaded Colin Creevy.

-Talking about that, I really SHOULD get to killing you, Voldemort.

-And talking about that…GET OUTTA HERE CREEVY! said Harry potter, angry and annoyed.

-Actually, said Hermione peeping out of Harry's smelly sneaker, you don't technically KILL Voldemort, you SURVIVE, and Voldemort doesn't…

-GOOOD-BYE! yelled Harry, fuming.

-I think I'll just go, said Neville sneaking out by the back door.

-We are now all alone, Potter, whispered Voldemort.

-DON'T KILL MY SOOOON! Shrieked Lilly Potter.

-MUHAHAHAHA, laughed Voldemort cruelly, NOTHING can save him…SO GET OUTTA MY WAY!

-NO! I will DIE for my son…

-Fine lady, there you go…AVADA KEDAVRA! Bye-bye…

There was an awful blinding flash of green light and a smell of decaying wood, and Lilly Potter was no more.

-Well, that was fast, said Harry, confused. Where'd mummy go?

-MUMMY! Shrieked Voldemort with mirth, MUMMY! HILARIOUS…HAHA…mummy… haha…! And YOUUUU, Potter, will sooooooooon be joiiiinning heeeerrr…! he said in a sinister cackle.

-You just try; Vold-old-smelly-socks, yelled Harry, and stood up in what was supposed to be an imposing posture. YOU JUST TRY!

-All right Harry, get ready for this, this is gonna be a good one, said Rita Skeeter, pulling her Quick Quotes Quill out of her bag; Potter, as the future 'boy who lived', do you have a last word to say before You-Know-Who's attempt to destroy you…? How do you feel about this whole situation? Has the death of your mother upset you beyond all measures? Will you give us an inside account of 'life among muggles' when all this will be over? …

-Who is this, stuttered Voldemort anxiously, who is this lavish and beautiful woman so keen on RUINING MY VICTORY WITH HER USELESS BABBLE! GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE I DO SOMETHING STUPID LIKE BLAST YOU INTO SMITHEREENS! NOW!

-You heard him, said Harry in an apologizing tone, you'd better go before he does do something stupid…anyway, you'll get lots of chances to interview me later, as in 'thirteen years later'…

-Well, all ye listeners, seems like we are NOT wanted…, whispered Rita into a microphone come out of nowhere, so I think we should better clear the set…

-NOW! yelled Harry and Voldemort at he same time.

Rita Skeeter vanished with a loud squeak.

-Ok, said Voldemort, furious, pointing his wand at Harry, OK! AVADA KEDAVRA!

Everybody mentioned previously popped out of uncanny places, such as old sweets wrappers, banana peels, glass jars and dirty underwear heaps. Media crowded the cupboard to get that 'one determining shot', but at the moment all the cameras clicked simultaneously, there was a massive blackout, a loud yelp, a puff of stinky smoke and a messy scramble for the light switch. The rest, as they say, is history…


End file.
